Sunday, December 18, 2011

Dear Noah

Dear Noah,

Do you remember the first time we met? It was at that carnival. I was only seventeen and we were just a couple of kids. I noticed you staring at me from the bumper cars with Fin, and it wasn’t until we got off the ride that I realized how handsome you actually were. But that didn’t excuse your abrupt attitude with wanting to hang out with me, and I didn’t want to give into you so easily. When you pulled that stunt on the Ferris wheel I thought you were crazy, but I soon learned that you weren’t, that you were only crazy about making me yours. On that walk after the movie you made me feel as though I was alive for once and as we laid on the street beneath the street lights, watching them change from red to green to yellow, I didn’t have a care in the world. It didn’t matter that I had a French lesson in the morning, because never before had I ever been so carefree with someone. Mama believed you were trouble from the beginning, and she was right. I blamed you for when I couldn’t sleep at night because thoughts of you consumed every inch of my brain, and when my mother scolded me for not paying attention when she was talking to me, or for staying out all night. You were trouble Noah Calhoun, from the first day I met you

The worst thing mama ever did was keep those letters from me, and I’m sorry that she did that Noah. I know that if I had read them I wouldn’t have given Lon a chance and that I wouldn’t have cried myself to sleep for months. They say that distance makes the heart grow stronger and I think they’re right, whoever they are. I knew I was asking for trouble the day I came back to Seabrook to see you. Even after all those years, as I stood in front of you I had to hold onto the car door in order to keep myself from falling. It didn’t help though, because I did fall, I fell back in love with you in every way possible. Or maybe, I just never stopped loving you. I know you think I’ve given up on you because I didn’t immediately tell you that I’d leave Lon, but I couldn’t do that without telling him first. I do love him Noah, and I already know that I should be with him and that’s the problem. I’ll love you forever; please don’t hate me too much.



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